Michael Lohan Is A-OK With His Daughter?s "Playboy" Spread
Michael Lohan Is A-OK With His Daughter's "Playboy" Spread
Sometimes at night I suddenly sit up straight in bed, covered in sweat and barely slapping my mouth shut on the scream that wants to shatter windows (my partner: "What are you DOING? Fuck, go back to sleep. Jesus. (pause) Did you fart?"). What was so terrifying that I have this cinema queen reaction?
It's the thought that someday the ancient astronauts who started this grand experiment are going to return to see the results. They're going to pick a couple of humans to investigate to see what their efforts have wrought, and then decide if we're worth continuing. Who will they pick, you ask? Will it be Nobel Peace Prize winner Ellen Johnson Sirleaf? Frank DeMartini and Pablo Ortiz? These people? It would have to be this guy, right?
Fuck, no. It's going to be Michael Lohan. The star gods will check him out for about ten seconds, shake their heads, and open a black hole in the center of our planet (SCIENCE!) and we'll all die screaming cuz' of this dumb motherfucka of famesuck. Thanks, asshole.
Papa Lohan went on Dr. Drew's Lifechangers show (Pinsky's become a bit of a famesuck himself) to talk about the Photoshop renderings Lindsay Lohan posed for in Playboy. It looked like an infomercial for how Men's Wearhouse changed Mr.
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Amber Valletta America Ferrera Amerie Amy Cobb Amy Smart Ana Beatriz Barros Ana Hickmann Ana Ivanovi